The Great Enstupiding

I hate Atlanta! I’ve heard it a million times before that people from around here freak out when it snows and the whole city shuts down, but I didn’t expect that to be literally true.

Two days ago we got 3-5 inches, followed by some rain that froze all the roads. Everything was closed yesterday, and everything was closed today as well. Well, that was true yesterday, but today the Subway was open. That’s it, though. Our show at the Drunken Unicorn was cancelled for tonight, and we can’t even see a movie to ease our cabin fever because the theater is closed, too. The only thing we can out of the house is eat at Subway.

Yeah, 3-5 inches. You know what happens when we get 3-5 inches in Boston? Not a damn thing. We don’t even notice. But Atlanta was positively crippled yesterday. I saw on the news that 1900 flights were cancelled at the airport, and all the footage was of either empty highways or a few cars spinning helplessly along the road. The reason that we can’t cope with 3-5 inches here is because nobody has any plows, apparently. Our street still isn’t plowed. Hell, Lawrenceville Highway isn’t plowed. Nothing was plowed because snowplows don’t exist here. Oh yeah, and nobody has a snow shovel. Jon tried to buy one at Home Depot before the storm (silly us, we left ours behind in Boston, thinking “Ha ha! We won’t be needing *this* anymore!) and they didn’t have any. Instead they tried to pass off a regular garden shovel to Jon and said he could use that. We should have bought it, since we have no way of clearing off our driveway now.

There’s nothing anyone can do about the ice on the road either, because I guess nobody has any salt. It seems that when the snow hits here, everyone just stays inside and waits for it to melt. Oh, and guess what? The scroll running along the bottom of the screen during Jeopardy! says that everything’s going to be closed tomorrow, too. Fucking three inches of snow.

We were so bored that we went for a walk along Lawrenceville Highway just to see the desertion. And the roads aren’t even all that bad anymore. But everything’s still closed for tomorrow in advance. I was amused yesterday by the news, they had some tips on driving in the snow. Firstly, they said, don’t drive. Secondly, they said not to use cruise control while driving on the ice. I snorted when the anchor said that with a straight face.

Our neighborhood is pretty amusing, too. Judging by the lack of footprints, our next door neighbors have not set foot outside the house since the snow fell. Also yesterday, the guy across the street set out to clear the snow and ice off his mini-van. He didnt have a brush or a scraper, so he brandished what looked like a child’s pee-wee hockey stick and doggedly went at it until his car was free.

It’s not like this is the first time it’s ever snowed here, not even the first time it’s snowed here this year. You’d think they’d learn to cope a little better than this.

Oh, and their snowmen? Pathetic. On the 26 of December, three days before we moved out of Massachusetts, I took a picture of what I thought was the most pathetic snowman. It made me smile.

Snow 1

It was made with a pile that somebody shoveled off their car.

Then four days later, Jon and I made a retarded baby snowman in New Jersey.

Snow 2

But not only do people in Atlanta have no idea how to drive in snow, how to shovel snow, how do anything when it’s snowing other than curl up into a fetal position and sob, they also have no idea how to build snowmen. This is the new “World’s Most Pathetic Snowman” in my photo collection of pathetic snowmen. Who made this sad pile? It doesn’t even have a face!

Snow 3

Keep in mind this was a freshly-created snowman, not a snowman that has melted.

Not wanting to be upstaged, I made a snowman for Jon:

Snow 4


Jon enjoyed it until his hands got too cold. Then I gave it to Buddy. He ate it.

Jon’s work is already cancelled for tomorrow, but his boss may come in anyway. If so, Jon will go. If not, we’re in for another boring day. We’ve already decided that if everything is closed again, we’re going on a road trip, out of range of the snow. If we have to drive two hours to see Tron or go bowling, we’ll do it.

The First Day

Hey, we made it here just fine. Unpacking is way more fun than packing- like opening presents, only you know that you’re going to like everything.

Unless it’s a creepy Eraserhead baby. You can’t really escape from them- they follow you even if you flee to another part of the country.

First 1

Jon got me this anglerfish for Christmas. I loved it and it was the first decoration to go up. Isn’t it rad beyond belief?


First 2


But now I’m getting pretty tired of unpacking and even more tired of quibbling over household items. Blah- I feel painfully suburban and domestic during Jon’s and my trips to Home Depot and Target and having discussions over what color bath mats we should buy and whether or not we should get a new hand soap dispenser and don’t forget, we need a toilet plunger and some contact paper for the cabinets. I’m putting myself to sleep just writing about this boring stuff and I’m determined to go to a show or go clubbing tomorrow just to make myself feel less like a 50s housewife for a little while.

We had a nice adventure in North Carolina before we got here, though. Buddy hated the entire trip. He knew something was going on the day the movers arrived, and was in a near-constant state of worry for nearly a full week. He seemed perpetually afraid that we were going to leave him behind, or we were taking him on a trip to dump him off somewhere. Most of the time he spent in the car was like this, being sad:

First 3

I kept telling him that we weren’t going to leave him, that he was going to stay with us and he’d have a new house with a yard, but he didn’t believe me. He started to relax more once the movers arrived here. I let him smell the items we were unpacking and his demeanor changed visibly over the course of unpacking. He was clearly interested in the objects we were unpacking, he knew they smelled familiar. He was especially happy when we unpacked his blanket. He wanted to sit on it immediately. Today has been the first day that he seemed fully at ease and relaxed here. He wanted to play Toy with me for the first time since we left. It was nice to seem him in a mood to play again.

He did meet other dogs on his trip though. Jordy is a grizzly old man dog like Buddy, and there were five more dogs there to boot. Much more dog-friendly than a hotel.

First 4

It was a little tricky to travel with the Lizard as well. We were worried it was too cold for her in the car (she likes it to be between 85-95 degrees during the day) so we threw in some hand warmers and she weathered that ok. But giving the Lizard her water required us to fill Buddy’s bowl to give The Lizard a drink.

First 5

She might look upset in that picture, but she was actually turning her “happy” color when she was in there. She changes colors according to her mood, from light to dark.

This was the Museum of Things in Jars that we had been looking forward to visiting.

First 6

You might be able to see the padlock on the door there. Arthur, the 90-year old man with the coke bottle glasses who is the owner and single employee of the museum, was out that day. The museum was in the police station and since we’d driven three hours, the cop there called Arthur for us to see what was up. She also let us use the bathroom. There were some interesting doors in the hallway leading to the bathroom.

First 7

First 8


And here we are. Jon made a fire in the fireplace, because we can. There is also no baby living above us. There isn’t anything above us at all, except an attic. It’s awesome. I guess we could throw the Eraserhead baby up there if we start to feel homesick for our Somerville apartment, but for now I think it’s pretty sweet the way it is.

In Between Homes

I’ve been hoping to have a totally boring and uneventful trip down to Atlanta. So far, so good, but maybe just a *little* less boring would be nice by now. Maybe the part where we visit the Museum of Things in Jars during our layover in North Carolina it can be not-boring for awhile.

The movers showed up, we had everything all packed up for them, they loaded up the truck and took off with all our worldly possessions without a hitch. They forgot to take this sad, sad dog though:

Moving 1

Ah well, I guess we’ll just have to take him with us.

We spent a minute pondering our empty house, our home for the past four years, even though I think we never really felt fully at ease and at home there. At the best of times, it felt like about 75-80% at home. At worst, living there was oppressive and annoying at times. Still better than our last place, though.

Moving 2


We haven’t made it to Atlanta yet, though. At the moment we’re homeless. Homeless and unemployed, but doing fairly ok. We’re staying with Jon’s parents in NJ tonight, maybe a trip to New York City to ring in the new year, that kind of thing. In the meantime Buddy helped Jon and me build a pathetic retarded snowbaby. It was the best we could do given the poor snowman-quality of the snow and the lack of materials for snowman facial features.

Moving 3 Moving 4

Buddy’s been enjoying the weather lately. No weather conditions on this earth make Buddy more pleased and content than a foot or more of snow. He loves to lie down in it.

Moving 5


Tomorrow we’ll arrive in Durham, North Carolina to see the lovely and wonderful Jenny Wood. Her home is fairly dog-friendly and I’m excited for Buddy to get to hang out with some dogs. I guess it’ll be in the high 50s that day and Buddy won’t have too many more chances to be a snow dog.