You Can’t Avoid It!

I made quite a find during a routine visit to the thrift store.

Y2K shoes

Y2K shoes! Just my size, too! They do bring up a lot of questions about the donor, though. They’re in nearly perfect condition so it’s likely they were worn only once. And just what was that occasion that called for a one-time wearing of these shoes? We may never know.

Given that the shoes have a date on them, it suggests that these shoes were worn once thirteen years ago and never again. But why did the wearer hang on to them for thirteen years? Why didn’t she donate them sometime in 2000? What was it about this year, 2013, that made her finally ready to let go of that one magical night?

Nevertheless, they’re going right into my time capsule. Or maybe I’ll wear them out a few times before I throw them in there. The poor shoes never really got out much with their previous owner.

And speaking of Y2K and my time capsule, there’s also this prize in there:

I remember clearly when I bought it. It was at a bookstore (remember those?) shortly after New Year’s Day, 2000. The price was dramatically reduced and I remember thinking I should buy the book to show my kids someday how crazy people were in the late 90s/early 2000s. Thirteen years later the book is still so hilarious and so insane it almost makes me want to have kids just so I can show it to them.

From just thumbing through the book casually, I come across things like:

If you have a cabin in the woods or some other getaway spot, you might consider stocking up on supplies and going there to usher in the year 2000…“.

Tenants should bring their moist garbage and deposit it in heavy-duty plastic bags in the basement. All recyclable materials and dry garbage should be stored in individual apartments until further notice…

Most of the book is checklists about things you’ll need for the impending disaster- guns, a generator, bottled water, candles, a house with a fireplace, a bible. The author stresses several times throughout the book about how necessary it will be for the families and communities to find peace through prayer. For the non-functioning bathroom he recommends either lining the nonfunctional toilet with a garbage bag full of lime, or else digging a lime-lined latrine in the yard, if you have a yard. I like the part where it says “…a new hand cleanser called Purell works without water“.

Then there are tips on how to outline a survival plan and how to go over that plan with your family with regular drills. He also recommends calling a kennel for your dog, I guess because you’ll be too busy shooting rioters and sanitizing your hands to watch after your dog. I’m not sure why you’d call the kennel though, seeing as we’ve been reduced to pit-latrines and hoarding food. Why would he think that everything would be business as usual at the kennels? Besides, if things get really dire you may need the dog as a food source. Or else you might have to cut him open to warm your freezing hands or something. Just don’t get your pretty new Y2K shoes dirty.

Ahh, I love this book. It’s been my prized item in my time capsule for thirteen years. Funny…I just checked and this is the only book this author has ever written.

You know, after 9/11 I used to collect all this fiercely pro-American stuff that was all over the place at the time, thinking that one day it would seem odd. I poorly predicted that one. All that ‘Murca crap is every bit as omnipresent as it was back then. Those particular items in my time capsule don’t look dated at all. I ended up throwing some of it away because it looked like I had just bought that stuff yesterday.

After I thumbed through the book a little more, I had a sinking feeling about my prized Y2K book. Even though I adore the book, sometimes I don’t think it’s as quaint as I had predicted it would be years later. Back then I did not predict that all that Doomsday Preppers stuff would be so prevalent so long after Y2K came and went and everybody saw for themselves that nothing happened.

Really Big Chairs

Through our travels we’ve visited a lot of “World’s Largest” objects. The most intriguing and widespread oversized object we seem to find, though, is the World’s Largest Chair. There appears to be some rivalry between cities on whose chair is actually the largest.

Historically, the first World’s Largest Chair was in Gardner, Ma, The Chair City. It was also the first World’s Largest Chair we’d ever visited. We agreed right away that I should be the one to pose in the World’s Largest Chair photos because Jon’s great stature diminished the majesty of the giant chairs. Here’s the World’s First World’s Largest Chair:
Chair 1

The next World’s Largest Chair we came across was in Denver, CO and really blew the first chair out of the water in size:
Chair 3

Washington, DC:
Chair 2

Somewhere in a field in Georgia:
Chair 4

Not every World’s Largest Chair is all that impressive. Dallas had to make do with the World’s Largest Patio Chair:
Chair 5

The current title for the World’s Actual Largest Chair is in Anniston, AL:
Chair 6

Like the Denver chair, it rules in size but ultimately I prefer the really big chairs that I can actually sit in.

Lizard hates you

Jon gave me one of those alligators that grows 300 times larger when you soak it in water for a few days.

I set about filling up the sink and as I did so, I wondered if The Lizard would have an opinion of my alligator toy. She did, indeed.

The Lizard hates nonself unless she can eat it.

Lizard (1)